PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK:
1) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer : "Ok." Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer : "No." Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer : "No." Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." ------------ --------- --------- --------- - 2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message." Tech Support : "Did you install the update?" Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?" ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 3) Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done." Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'." Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says." Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk." Customer : "What?" Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" Customer: "No..." ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 4).Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?" Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile) ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 5).Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" Tech support : ##### *** ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?" Customer : "A white one." Tech support : ******_____# ### ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 7). Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?" Customer : "Pentium." Tech support : ////-----+++ ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 8). Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion." Tech support : ?????? ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 9).Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder." Tech Support : ?!%#$ ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 10).Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?" Tech support : ?????? ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 11). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly." Tech Support : "What does it say?" Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk." Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside." Tech support : @@@@@ ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours." Customer: "Is that Eastern time?" ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 13). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?" Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." Tech Support : "Well?" Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?" Tech support : *** ---- ++++ ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- The best of the lot 14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty. Tech: What's the problem? User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply. Tech: (keep quite) Tech: You'll need a new power supply. User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files. Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it. User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command. Tech support:: 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up. Tech supports :( hush hush) Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem. User: I knew it! Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM < http://nosmoke . com/ > at the end of the CONFIG.SYS . Let me know how it goes. 10 minutes later. User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking. Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using? User : MS-DOS 6.22 . Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes. 1 hour later. User : I need a new power supply. Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion? Tech support : (hush hush) User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply. Tech: Then what did he say? User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE !!!!! ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- - Height Of all (Too Good) 15) customer care officer: I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in finding it out? Cust: sure CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'? Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer !!